LaKeitha Poole, Ph.D., CEO and clinical director of Small Talk Counseling in Baton Rouge, La, calls the term, “strong friend” a myth; however, she identified the traits of people who are characterized under the term appear to possess.

“They externally have it together and are often the go-to person of the friend group for a variety of reasons — easy listener, calm demeanor, nonjudgemental, genuine sound advice,” Poole told Blavity. “They’re often empaths who can actually feel unrest and brokenness in people and then volunteer their support.”

She said the pattern begins with people assuming that because the strong friend cares so much for other people that their friends and family tend to forget to care about them.

“Not because they don’t love them or care for them, but because they're used to keeping them in the typology of the caregiver role,” Poole said. “And people assume that since they are the ones helping others that they would simply use their own advice and support themselves.”

The strong friend could also exude strength as a trauma response.

“You’re used to the habit of just being ever-present, ever-aware and ever-alert, but it’s actually maladapted and it’s not allowing you to ask for help,” Poole said. “And you’re not able to say, ‘yeah, I’m not having a good day,’ and be honest.”

Mayor-Kevin-Ward

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