It’s such a liberating feeling to be with someone that makes you happy. It’s even more exhilarating to think that person is your soulmate, or the person you were destined to be with. You invest a great deal of time, effort and money into them, as well as sacrifice for them, in hopes of this being the relationship that will last forever. Sometimes we become so consumed in it that we begin to overlook signs that maybe we are in over our heads. Maybe it starts with small habits they exhibit that starts ticking you off more than it used to. You say, “Nobody’s perfect.” Then, maybe you begin to realize the arguing happens a little more often, and usually goes unresolved. So you might say, “Every relationship has its troubles.” The list of the little things people tend to ignore in relationships goes on and on. We become blind to the truth that’s right in front of us; the truth that maybe, just maybe, we aren’t with our future wife, or husband. But how does one really determine this?

Everyone wants to find the love of their life; the person that makes their life complete. But in this quest for true love, as I stated before, we sometimes begin to compromise for things we shouldn’t; we don’t realize warning signs right in front of us. Trust me, I have been in that situation before. The thought of even considering that your partner, whom you love and/or is everything you want, may not be the one is unfathomable. But we are talking about your happiness here, and that is something that should not be taken lightly. Everyone deserves a person that will build them up, rather than tear them down; someone who contributes to their lives in a positive manner, as opposed to negatively. As much as we want certain people to be that person, we can’t ignore the signs and the facts. Keep in mind that a relationship is supposed to be mutually beneficial. Therefore, if you are with a person that isn’t holding up their end with keeping you happy, making you feel important and contributing to a healthy relationship, then it’s time you stop hindering yourself from the blessings that await you in the future.

So why exactly do people stay in relationships that they aren’t completely happy with, or that are subpar? Well, there is a plethora of reasons, but for the sake of the length of this post, I will list several major factors.

Time

This is the most popular reason numerous individuals will stay with a person. They believe that if they have already spent such a great deal of time in a relationship, they may as well stay in it so they don’t feel like they wasted all that time. Let me tell you this—all this will do is trap you. You develop a stagnant mindset that you can make the most of the situation, and that with time, will make things better. That ain’t the answer Sway. All waiting is doing is making it harder for you to get out of that predicament. And if you’re at a point where your time investment is the major reason for you staying in a relationship, then there’s nothing more I need to say. Don’t squander more time. How much time you put in isn’t important, as hard as that is to hear. Your happiness is paramount.

Investment

Who here likes waste? I know I don’t. If I spent hours in the kitchen cooking, that food better come out bomb AF. If I spend multiple days grinding in the gym, my body better come out immaculate. If I suffer for weeks watching this grimy gecko talk about car insurance, and I finally switch to Geico, best believe I better save bank! But I digress. The point is that it sucks to have put things like money, effort, stress and much more into something, just to have it amount to nothing in the end. What sucks even more (pause) is when we’re with someone we had such high hopes in. But that’s life. Sometimes we end up wasting things that are precious to us that we shouldn’t, like money, effort and stress, but we have to cut our losses. When it comes to a relationship, this happens quite often—and for some, a little too often. This is what we call trial and error. Obviously, it isn’t the best feeling knowing that something, like your finances, may have gone to waste, or that someone else may benefit from all the hard work you put in if it ended. However, remember that the best things in life don’t always come so easily. Bear that in mind when you’re evaluating your relationship. Material things can be replaced, and you’ll recover from the things you went through mentally with your partner. But again, letting factors like this be our reason for remaining in a relationship is not only detrimental, but also a setup for failure.

Friends and Family

I can’t tell you how many times I or my friends have been in situations where they feel they have to stay with someone because their family loves you, or you don’t want to let them down, or you feel you owe it to them to stay in the relationship since you’ve already gotten so close to their family. It’s such a hard decision because you feel these additional factors make whether you should break up with the person or not a harder choice for you to make—when in reality, it shouldn’t. This, again, is about your happiness, not theirs. You have to be selfish and think what is best for you and your future. If this relationship hasn’t been panning out the way you envisioned, then to be quite frank, it is what it is. You have your own family that loves you no matter what decision you make, or who you’re with. So as hard as it may be to let go of them, sometimes that’s a decision you have to make. And then there are those friends that are not even in the relationship, but they try to convince you to stay in it. *insert eye roll emoji* My friend, if you don’t just reserve your comments to yourself. Ah ah, RELAX. People are always so quick to tell you what’s best for you when it is not their problem, as if they’re living your life and going through your struggle for you. *insert second eye roll emoji* But nonetheless, this is about you, not other people. You need to think of your future. It may not seem like it can be that bright in your current situation if you leave it, but trust me, you have no idea what is awaiting you. God has great things in store for you, but you have to be willing to sacrifice now, to benefit later.

Feeling as If You Can't Do Any Better Than What You Have

One of my philosophies in life is that you should never settle. You work too hard and endure too much to just accept mediocrity. Trust me. I have seen enough people in relationships where they could do so much better for themselves. No shade. Many times the reason people settle is because they feel they can’t do better than who they’re with, they don’t see better options outside of the relationship or, unfortunately, they have been convinced by their partner that no one else will want them. At this point, you’re in the relationship because you feel you have nowhere else to go. This is where your faith should step in, being sure of things unseen. Even though you may not be certain that leaving will bear fruit, you, at the very least, must understand that you shouldn’t just settle for someone for the reasons above. You are a unique individual that deserves a nurturing and prosperous relationship with a person you mutually benefit from. Settling will lead to unhappiness and problems in the future. Think of the things you could be doing for your own benefit while not in that relationship, and the doors that can be opened once you take that step. But the key here is that you have to want to make that step. No one else can make it for you.

Now, obviously, it is not so simple that all the problems within a relationship are signs you need to leave. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and everyone has things about them that don't always enjoy dealing with. Those are things you figure out before entering the relationship, and determine if it’s something you can put up with. Keep in mind also that just as your partner may get on your nerves, you probably get on theirs as well. This post is meant to refer to situations where there are signs, that may not always be so obvious, that show the relationship you are in either isn’t meant to be, or you’re overestimating how well it’s going. It starts off with disregarding the little things, and then eventually grows into a more serious problem. And the thing is, I can’t tell you if your relationship falls under this category, because every relationship is different. But trust me, you will know if this post is speaking to you. It may be for a moment, or something that you have been feeling for a while, but at some point it will hit you with that, “Wow… I am not happy in this relationship for x, y, and/or z reason.” It will hurt. It will not be the best feeling. Especially given the fact that if you do step out of it, it means you will be hurting the person you care about. But sometimes we have to let go of what’s killing us, even if it’s killing us to do so, all in the name of our happiness.

For the record, I’m not saying go and cut every relationship over a small issue you all have now. I am saying take a closer look at your relationship if you have been having doubts, second thoughts or an overall negative disposition towards it. Obviously, there are problems you two can work out and solve, or issues that can be alleviated by the right means. But there is a fine line between a healthy relationship with problems that you two can work through, and an unhealthy relationship that is doing more harm than good. Only you can determine on what side of the spectrum you are, and what is your best move. But if you truly want to be happy, and enjoy a fulfilling life with someone that completes you, it may mean making hard decisions along the way. Unfortunately, that may include leaving someone you are currently with in order to see that vision come to fruition. And remember this: Even though you may think you have the juice now in the relationship you’re currently in, you should strive for the sauce in life. Because the juice is only temporary, but the sauce, the sauce is forever.

hard work

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