You hear it all the time: no two siblings share the same parents. This is because even if you’re in the same household, growing up in the same circumstances with the same mom and dad, you both have a completely unique experience of your parents. This only intensifies if there’s a large age gap between siblings, denoting one to have a younger set of parents and the other to be raised by the older version of those parents.
The psychological difference between being raised by older parents versus younger parents is extreme. Younger parents may raise you in a more modernized sense, aligned with the times. However, the prematurity of their wisdom may lend to some rookie mistakes made along the way. In that same vein, older parents may have enough lived experience to inform how they navigate certain tribulations, though their patience may be at the expense of antiquated traditional values. Pulling from various anecdotes stemming from a diverse array of upbringings, here’s an overall look at the differences between being raised by younger parents vs older parents, and how it all may have shaped you.
Being Raised by Older Parents
For those raised by parents 35 and over, you have the unique experience of being raised by fully realized adults. Their frontal lobes were developed and calcified, typically walking into parenthood with more checked off bucket list.
Having lived through more, they often bring perspective and emotional intelligence to their parenting. For many children of older parents, they also may not be the firstborn. Having your reps in also helps inform your parenting, as Tyler B notes. “They had my brother and sister in their twenties, fifteen and twelve years before I was born, respectively. I think because of that, they’d had a decade and a half of experience raising children already, and were able to handle my own growth from a more seasoned perspective than many parents have while raising children,” he shared. “My parents were more lenient with me than with my older siblings, as is often the case. However, there were certain things they got to experience that I didn’t, because of things my parents witnessed with my siblings.”
And even for first-time older parents, the itch of an irresponsible youth has already been scratched. Many older parents have children by choice after thoughtful consideration, which can foster a deeply intentional and nurturing bond. There’s a sense of fulfillment they can bring into parenthood, ready to devote as much of themselves to their children as possible. “My parents being in their forties when I was born was nice because it felt like they were both really ready by then to devote enough time and energy into me and my younger brothers,” Charlie S reflects. “Mentally and physically, they both had more time to spend with us than they would’ve in their thirties trying to still establish themselves in one place in their fields.” Giselle N adds. “Because my parents lived a long life before me, they were ready to make their lives revolve completely around me when I was born. They both thought having kids would maybe never happen to them, so when I arrived, they pretty much centered their whole life around me.”
In terms of impact on the way a child develops, having older parents can sometimes mean molding a child who knows how to communicate with an older crowd. “I was always told I had an ‘old soul’ because I can connect with all age groups well beyond my years,” Brooke R reflects. “My parents enjoyed their married life before adding children to the equation early on. Growing up, I was always my friends’ parents’ favorite friend, and I can only link that to my upbringing.”
With more fortified financial stability, older parents tend to be able to realize more dreams. Tyler B adds: “I have been realizing in own adulthood how intentional my childhood was from my parents’ perspective— every trip to the park, to the beach in the summer, after school activity I was involved in, every household and holiday tradition, didn’t just happen by chance. I had an experience designed and curated by people who were tired, who both worked difficult full-time jobs, who cared, maybe a little too much, but who showed up. And simply showing up, I have learned, goes a long way.”
However, it’s easy to struggle with the cultural and technological differences that make it harder to understand each other’s interests or social worlds. It can sometimes feel like you come from two different planets or speak two different languages. Time has modernized too vastly for them to adjust, and you can seem to wrap your head around their outdated ideals.
And lastly, a con that many protect themselves by avoiding acknowledging is that the older you have your children, the less time you may have with them in the long run. Children of older parents must be prepared to face the emotional challenge of aging parents earlier in life. Charlie S concludes, “If I have kids, my main concern would just be able to stick around in their life longer, which I guess means having kids a little sooner. My brothers were 18 when my dad passed away and I feel bad for them. No one’s fault, but it’d be nice to be able to stick around longer for your kids.”
Being Raised by Younger Parents
For those with parents 25 and under, you’re walking through life alongside your parent. They’re typically full of energy and vision, ready to learn with you and allow you to introduce yourself to them rather than adhere to a pre-drawn outline. Because they’re not foreign to modern technology and shifting cultural norms, younger parents are often more flexible and less rigid in their parenting approach.
However, walking through life with naivety can elicit a fear from this new, bewildering responsibility. “My mom was 19 when she had me, I think her being so young definitely affected her parenting style. She must’ve been scared and unsure of what to do at times,” Yaretsy R shares. “I think more vulnerability from my mom would’ve been beneficial for me to see. I imagine she was anxious and confused a lot of the times but she never talked about it. Her survival mode translated as coldness or indifference towards me. I can’t imagine having a kid when I was 19, so I always want to give grace to my mom. However, I know I’ll be a very different parent to my kids than she was to me.”
Young parents may still be figuring out who they are, which can make balancing personal growth and parenthood challenging.“Having a kid before you’ve been able to form your own identity means that your whole identity becomes your kid,” Sydney A adds. “My mom was a great mom, but being a great mom at such a young age comes with a lot of personal sacrifice. I don’t think she was able to experiment the way most young adults do, and as a result it became more difficult for her to separate her identity from me as I got older and grew more autonomous. But my mom was also fun. We listened to a lot of the same music, she had her pulse on pop culture, and I still borrow her clothes.”
Being close in age can sometimes blur traditional parent-child dynamics, leading to “friend-like” relationships. Leaning negative, that potential lack of structure that can be detrimental. On the flip side, however, there’s a trust cultivated that can make the child feel safer to open up.
With less emotional maturity or life experience, they may struggle with patience and boundaries, and in particular, partnership. “I wish my mom had picked a better partner to have a child with. I think this can happen with older parents, too, but I actually don’t think 18-year-olds pick good husbands.” Sydney A notes.
“My parents were 22 and 23 when I was born and were still in college,” adds Laura O. “Looking back, I think that’s what attributed to a feeling of chaos and instability in my childhood. Because we all know that your 20s are all about chaos and instability and finding your way, and they were doing all that while raising a baby. They got divorced when I was 2. But I will say it wasn’t all tragic; I think having parents that were younger was also a fun sort of chaos in some ways. There was a lot of spontaneity and a lot of fun and play that maybe I wouldn’t have gotten if they were older when they had me. I definitely think a strength I learned was resilience, as well as persistence and adaptability. My parents had to figure it all out in real time and bring me along with them, so I’ve noticed that that’s a superpower I was able to take.”
Luckily, having younger parents can mean more years together as adults, walking through major milestones together and potentially becoming grandparents earlier. “God willing, if everything goes the way it’s supposed to go, when I’m in my 60s. my mom will still be around. I always say we’re going to be in the same nursing home,” Sydney A concludes.
How Do Your Parents Shape You?
The age of your parents can directly impact your habits and communication style, as well as your conscious and unconscious patterns. Children of younger parents tend to grow up in more dynamic, fast-changing environments that strengthen their adaptability and sense of self independence. They may feel encouraged to experiment, take risks, and express themselves freely due to their parents still discovering themselves alongside them. While this can definitely help shape a creative child, navigating blurred boundaries or a less traditional sense of authority. As adults, these children tend to value spontaneity, open-mindedness, and a flexible approach to relationships and career paths.
Conversely, those raised by older parents tend to walk through life valuing stability, patience, and a strong sense of structure. Having parents who’ve already established their lives often means growing up in a stable environment with emotional security. As adults, these children may often possess an old-soul quality that makes them wise beyond their years. However, they might also feel a generational disconnect, carrying a sense of maturity that can be isolating, as well as a heightened awareness of mortality that shapes their sense of urgency in life.