So, how many frenemies do you have?

I know it sounds crazy. You’re probably thinking, “Of course I don’t have frenemies! I’m too grown for that!” Well, I’m not exactly talking about the Regina George and Cady Heron relationship. I’m talking about people who try to compete with you, people who keep it friendly with you because being negative and envious is out of style, or even those who have made shady comments but are still around because you decided to keep it cute. Sound familiar?

Before you say no, take a look at your recent social media posts. If you’ve liked anything about “cutting people off,” then this message is for you.

Why do we keep these people near?

I was watching a TV show where two ladies got into a vicious argument and were clearly at odds with one another. However, in the next scene, one lady was attending the other's wedding.

Huh? I nearly screamed at the TV.

Is this what friendship has become? That is not a friend! That is an enemy who you’ve decided to be friendly with. A frenemy.

In an effort to keep the peace and rise above petty drama, we blur the lines between friends and frenemies by doing things like inviting these people to weddings and birthdays. Realize that you’re hurting yourself by maintaining these types of friendships. You’re forced to be on guard and protect yourself around people who, if were really your friends, should make you feel at ease.

And I know, shade doesn’t bother you. You couldn’t care less and you’re above the drama. Blah, blah, blah. Negativity, slowly but surely, chips away at your confidence. Those shady “jokes” become the voices in your head that cause you to doubt yourself. And even worse, it actually drains your energy when you have to stay ready in case one of your “friends” says or does something out of pocket.

Friends are supposed to be people who lift you up and encourage you. If you can’t be honest with them about your highs and lows, out of fear of being betrayed, then those are not friends. You are robbing yourself of the joy that true friendship could provide.

Think of the last time you hung out with someone you trusted. Did you feel free? That’s because true friendship allows you to be vulnerable and fully yourself. Surround yourself with only these people and watch how much you'll grow.

So please, before another year flies by, take inventory of your friends and accept that everyone doesn’t need to be in your circle.

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ronke.ronke

Writing since July 2018 · 2 stories contributed